heart sedated

i spent most of the weekend in north ryde.  the six months that i spent living in lane cove was not a good time in my life. i cried on the 288 bus more times than i'd like to admit, so needless to say it was strange being back in the area. i felt like an outsider the whole time i lived on the north shore. a lot of that had to do with my disadvantaged outer south western upbringing and my preconceived prejudices of people who live on that side of town. but i never felt at home, away from the house i grew up in, until we moved to summer hill.

i sat at the bus interchange at epping station and all these memories came flooding back. the day that i finally had enough at the mystery shopping factory and quit at 10am on a thursday. sitting on the 288 going through the back streets of north ryde listening to architecture in helsinki and realising that everything i'd had for the last year and a half was over. then i was angry at myself, because that job and that relationship were both things that i should have quit 6 months before i was forced to. and i would've been so much better off if i had the courage to make the move by myself instead of waiting to be dumped and waiting to be told that the only problem in the team was me.

suddenly, at 11:15 on a saturday morning in epping, it hurt to breathe.

but life got better. i found a job at iinetz, and all the fabulous people who worked there, and my laid back team leader made me realise that i was good at work stuff, and that i was a valued member of a team.

i'm friends with the boy again. time and distance has dulled all the hate and anger i had for him. in fact, the next time i'm in melbourne we might even hang out.

sitting at the bus stop, i thought to myself that i didn't regret those years, but i don't have anything to show for it. but nah, i do. i'm so much stronger now. ready to take on the world.