eurovision 07 spectacular

ok, so i got home an hour late and missed up to latvia. well i got home when georgia were playing, but it’s council clean up this week so i was out giving some furniture away to people who were looting the pile on our front lawn. i do remember seeing some more she-male action.

anyway, we all know the voting is the best part. on with the show!

-i would so do the chick in the middle of the russian trio. however, she’s been over shaddowed by the girl on the camera left’s skivvies are back theme.

-germany was boring. well apart from the fact that he looked like petere andre.

-serbia’s entrant looks like my friend erin’s ex-boyfriend, joel, if he was emo and not punk.

-OHMIGOD. i want to have the ukranian entry’s baby. this is what eurovision is all about people.

-it is kind of depressing that the uk have bought their way into being in the untouchable big 4. because every year they suck more and more. what is this gash? i could do a better performance than this. and goddamit, there'd be more sequins.

-meh. i've pretty much fallen alseep during the romanian entry.

-we covered that bulgaria sucked last night. i should go and get a drink or something.

-why the fuck is turkey man wearing a polo shirt? this is eurovision, not a barbecue. i suppose he makes up for it with his ringmaster coat.

-i know armenia might not be the richest country in the world, but surely they could afford something a bit more tasteful than toilet paper to decorate their set?

-boy, does moldova know fashion or what?

-these finns are fucking hard up for celebrities if they have to haul annual gift man out to start the voting.

-ok. lightning recap of the acts i missed

bosina - is she dressed up as kermit on purpose?

spain - fuck it's boytown. i'm sure somewhere in melbourne mick molloy is calling his lawyer to sue for copyright infringement.

belarus - homeboy is kinda hot. he has nice eyes at least. but please, put a shirt on.

ireland - so that's where that chick from the corrs ended up.

finland - too. much. blush.

macedonia - my god, it's lindsay lohan. and there's a visible make up line on her head.

slovenia - i think she put a curse on me.

hungary - what did her singlet say? "thank god i'm indie"?

lithuania - she's like a younger version of meg morris.

greece - my god. does it get any gayer. it's like that movie with that guy from heartbreak high. umm. head on. that's it.

georgia - i love this song like a fat kid loves cake. i must illegally download it.

sweden - ahh here's the androgyny i spotted before.

france - does he have a cat on his shoulder? yes. yes he does

lativia - as boring as you'd expect a bunch of lativans dudes singing in italian would be.

-and we're back to where i started. are you loving wogan ripping the shit out of the eastern bloc's secular voting? i know i am.

-i'm sure wogan's said this before, but, why did all these former yugoslavian countries bother splitting up when they're friendly still enough to frickin vote for each other?

-i love andorra. excellent voting choices.

-zomg. austria only gave 7 points to germany. expect the invading to commence by wednesday.

-THE DANISH CHICK WANTS SOME HOT HOST-MAN ACTION. do you blame her?

-what are greece going to do seens they can't give cyprus 12 points? oh, they went with the shit drumming thing.

-serbia. expect more balkan voting. this is why they split up, because if they were only one country they couldn't vote for themselves. sneaky buggers.

-hah. ukraine is currently winning. europe knows how to vote.

-bloody hell, the entire population of helsinki is out on the street. crazy finns, isn't it cold?

-i think all the balkan nations have voted, but there's still a few baltic/eastern bloc nations to go. it will be very interesting to see if estonia, lithuania etc support the ukranian tilt. lets send 2008 eurovision back to kiev!

-woo. latvia get some points on the board. will the uk go scoreless?

-cyprus. 12 points to greece in the bag. why am i even bothering watching these votes?

-wow. they sure do love ftm's in the balkan states.

-ooh. the israeli vote reader is hot. and he snuck in a reference to their song. i'm in love.

-oh good. time for a break. i can't keep up that hectic voting pace.

-why aren't their more votes for georgia? that shit was hot.

-boo. the lithuanians only gave ukraine 8 points. but they've made up for it by giving georgia 12. i forgive you.

-have i mentioned how much i love terry wogan?

-see the czechs know how to do it right. no points for slovenia.

-and the uk are on the board. and wogan bags out all the other countries for voting for their neighbours.

-malta. 12 more points for greece surely. no! the maltese are insane.

-zomg. all these georgian chicks are hot. maybe i should stop there on my 2008 european adventure.

-hmm. who will russia vote for. and more importantly, what is with the russian chick's hair? did she steal a bird's nest on her way here?

-eek. i'd also do the latvian guy. and you people wonder why i'm planning on moving to the eastern bloc.

-this is my favourite part of the night "hello, reykjavík calling. here are the results of the icelandic televote" makes me smile every time.

-i love a man who wears a sequined tie.

-SHUT UP MACEDONIAN WOMAN. NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOU SING AND PRATTLE ON.

and we're done for another year. europe have spoken, and they've voted for a boygirl with an emo haircut. see you in belgrade in 2008.