Tuesday, 29 May 2007

zomg

best overheard in new york. evah.

Saturday, 26 May 2007

the top five films featuring keanu reeves

5. constantine

4. point break

3. speed

2. parenthood

1. bill and ted's excellent adventure

Thursday, 24 May 2007

things that i don't get but the rest of the world loves. part one

stephen colbert.

origin one

how much new south wales selector cock did muppet look alike anthony minichiello have to suck to get picked for origin?

the macquarie fields hawks under 8's fullback would be playing better than minichiello at the moment.

don't even get me started on anasta. how can the team coming dead last have three players selected i ask you?

Tuesday, 22 May 2007

stupid poetic justice

from the telegraph:
a californian man who tried to kill his girlfriend by leaving her in a car parked across railway lines was himself killed when an oncoming train hurled the car into him as he fled. (full story)

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!1!

Monday, 21 May 2007

phoney

i forgot to throw my phone in my bag before i ran out the door this morning. well i didn't run, because i don't run anywhere. but i was going to miss the train if i didn't bust a significant move in the next couple of seconds.

therefore, today will be the day that i hear about the job i applied for two weeks ago*

*i know, normally after two weeks i would've given up. but they said if i didn't make it to the interview stage, i'd get sent a letter. it also doesn't start til july. i am yet to receive a letter so at this point, no news is good news

big update

my god i've been a boring old spinster lately. i didn't do a single thing this weekend that didn't relate to sleeping, watching tv or packing/cleaning. i suppose, at least i wasn't out spending money.

i'm considering doing a tafe course next semester. i've been wanting forever to learn to sew so i can make my own clothes and bags. and it just so happens that my local tafe is running an evening course in textiles and clothing design starting july. i think it's a sign that i should do it. the only problem would be fitting it around work. but i'm sure it's do-able.

oh, one thing i did do today! i bought a new lens for my camera. zoom zoom indeed. i'm going to be able to take awesome photos when i see crowded house in LESS THAN TWO MONTHS TIME. zomg zomg.

speaking of photos [kinda] here's a story i've been meaning to tell for a while, but i've been too upset. one night, i was on my way out straight after i got home from work. i had been listening to my ipod on the train, and when i got into my car i hastily stuffed my headphones into my bag and plugged my ipod into my car charger.

the next day on the train, i couldn't find my headphones. i figured they had just fallen out of my bag and were somewhere in my car, which was cool, i'd just get them next time i needed to drive somewhere cause i'm lazy like that.

a couple of days later i had to drive somewhere, i think i was going to parramatta for one of my regular trips to smiggle, so as one does when needing to drive somewhere, i went to get in my car. as i opened the door something fell onto the ground. i looked down and it was one ear of my headphones. it seems that they had fallen out of my bag when i got out of the car, and had been hanging out the door. they probably died somewhere on the m4. this is all that is left. i am sad. so sad, in fact, that i haven't gotten around to replacing them yet. i loved those headphones so.

oh and a few weeks ago i bought an awesome pink hoodie. my barbie had a skirt with this exact colour/pattern when i was a kid. it's kick ass.

and that's all i can't think of to type about at the moment. peace out.

Saturday, 19 May 2007

live earth. eek

CROWDED HOUSE BITCHES

LESS THAN TWO MONTHS AWAY

Thursday, 17 May 2007

child abuse

kids go missing for the second time this year



these kids should be put into foster care. not because of the kidnapping or anything, but because their mother would dare to give them SUCH BAD HAIR CUTS. only a callus, evil person would be capable of administering a bowl cut in this day and age.

business. scam. corporation

i was reading the classifieds in my local murdoch press last night and came upon the following ad:
PSYCHICS NEEDED

Very busy psychic line.

Lots of calls. Earn $$$

Must be psychic.

i'm so glad they made that clarification. here i was thinking it was all a big scam. and how do they accurately test an applicant's psychic abilities?

"what colour underwear am i wearing today?"

"umm. blue?"

"congratulations you've got the job!"

but i eated it

Tuesday, 15 May 2007

this happened a few days ago. i had blocked it out until now

so, i'm in the change room at a suburban myer. then things start to go wrong.

"what was that noise? was that someone panting? jebus christ, bitch must be fat to be that hot and bothered by changing clothes."

"no wait. that's a different kind of moan. but there's only one person moaning."

"oh god. masturbation. masturbation is happening in the change room across from me!"

Monday, 14 May 2007

eurovision 07 spectacular

ok, so i got home an hour late and missed up to latvia. well i got home when georgia were playing, but it’s council clean up this week so i was out giving some furniture away to people who were looting the pile on our front lawn. i do remember seeing some more she-male action.

anyway, we all know the voting is the best part. on with the show!

-i would so do the chick in the middle of the russian trio. however, she’s been over shaddowed by the girl on the camera left’s skivvies are back theme.

-germany was boring. well apart from the fact that he looked like petere andre.

-serbia’s entrant looks like my friend erin’s ex-boyfriend, joel, if he was emo and not punk.

-OHMIGOD. i want to have the ukranian entry’s baby. this is what eurovision is all about people.

-it is kind of depressing that the uk have bought their way into being in the untouchable big 4. because every year they suck more and more. what is this gash? i could do a better performance than this. and goddamit, there'd be more sequins.

-meh. i've pretty much fallen alseep during the romanian entry.

-we covered that bulgaria sucked last night. i should go and get a drink or something.

-why the fuck is turkey man wearing a polo shirt? this is eurovision, not a barbecue. i suppose he makes up for it with his ringmaster coat.

-i know armenia might not be the richest country in the world, but surely they could afford something a bit more tasteful than toilet paper to decorate their set?

-boy, does moldova know fashion or what?

-these finns are fucking hard up for celebrities if they have to haul annual gift man out to start the voting.

-ok. lightning recap of the acts i missed

bosina - is she dressed up as kermit on purpose?

spain - fuck it's boytown. i'm sure somewhere in melbourne mick molloy is calling his lawyer to sue for copyright infringement.

belarus - homeboy is kinda hot. he has nice eyes at least. but please, put a shirt on.

ireland - so that's where that chick from the corrs ended up.

finland - too. much. blush.

macedonia - my god, it's lindsay lohan. and there's a visible make up line on her head.

slovenia - i think she put a curse on me.

hungary - what did her singlet say? "thank god i'm indie"?

lithuania - she's like a younger version of meg morris.

greece - my god. does it get any gayer. it's like that movie with that guy from heartbreak high. umm. head on. that's it.

georgia - i love this song like a fat kid loves cake. i must illegally download it.

sweden - ahh here's the androgyny i spotted before.

france - does he have a cat on his shoulder? yes. yes he does

lativia - as boring as you'd expect a bunch of lativans dudes singing in italian would be.

-and we're back to where i started. are you loving wogan ripping the shit out of the eastern bloc's secular voting? i know i am.

-i'm sure wogan's said this before, but, why did all these former yugoslavian countries bother splitting up when they're friendly still enough to frickin vote for each other?

-i love andorra. excellent voting choices.

-zomg. austria only gave 7 points to germany. expect the invading to commence by wednesday.

-THE DANISH CHICK WANTS SOME HOT HOST-MAN ACTION. do you blame her?

-what are greece going to do seens they can't give cyprus 12 points? oh, they went with the shit drumming thing.

-serbia. expect more balkan voting. this is why they split up, because if they were only one country they couldn't vote for themselves. sneaky buggers.

-hah. ukraine is currently winning. europe knows how to vote.

-bloody hell, the entire population of helsinki is out on the street. crazy finns, isn't it cold?

-i think all the balkan nations have voted, but there's still a few baltic/eastern bloc nations to go. it will be very interesting to see if estonia, lithuania etc support the ukranian tilt. lets send 2008 eurovision back to kiev!

-woo. latvia get some points on the board. will the uk go scoreless?

-cyprus. 12 points to greece in the bag. why am i even bothering watching these votes?

-wow. they sure do love ftm's in the balkan states.

-ooh. the israeli vote reader is hot. and he snuck in a reference to their song. i'm in love.

-oh good. time for a break. i can't keep up that hectic voting pace.

-why aren't their more votes for georgia? that shit was hot.

-boo. the lithuanians only gave ukraine 8 points. but they've made up for it by giving georgia 12. i forgive you.

-have i mentioned how much i love terry wogan?

-see the czechs know how to do it right. no points for slovenia.

-and the uk are on the board. and wogan bags out all the other countries for voting for their neighbours.

-malta. 12 more points for greece surely. no! the maltese are insane.

-zomg. all these georgian chicks are hot. maybe i should stop there on my 2008 european adventure.

-hmm. who will russia vote for. and more importantly, what is with the russian chick's hair? did she steal a bird's nest on her way here?

-eek. i'd also do the latvian guy. and you people wonder why i'm planning on moving to the eastern bloc.

-this is my favourite part of the night "hello, reykjavík calling. here are the results of the icelandic televote" makes me smile every time.

-i love a man who wears a sequined tie.

-SHUT UP MACEDONIAN WOMAN. NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOU SING AND PRATTLE ON.

and we're done for another year. europe have spoken, and they've voted for a boygirl with an emo haircut. see you in belgrade in 2008.

Sunday, 13 May 2007

eurovision semi

highlights:

israel: best contestant evah. the lead singer was the lovechild of stanford blatch and alf poer. and there was rapping in israeli. what more could you possible want out of a eurovision entrant?

georgia: this was genuinely my favourite performance of the night. the song was good, the chick was hot, the dancers weren't too over the top.

denmark: was the singer a tranny or just a really ugly woman? i don't know whether this was intentionally ironic or not.

serbia: zomg! serbia's entrant is rosie o'donnell. so that's what she's doing now she's quit the view.

portugal: what was with that white mansuit? was he planning on doing some figure skating after the song was over?

andorra: sum 41 tribute band. were they playing dance dance revolution? or was that just the back ground trying to be edgy?

hungry: eastern bloc missy higgins. just less whiny.

belgium: obviously the winner of belgium idol.

austria: featuring the gay tism back up dancers.

and from the voting:

-did the hosts get a two for one at the tanning song?

-what's with all the sleazy old men? how can they expect guys who look like massive deeves to get europe's vote?

-woo. i'm so happy georgia got through. i'll riot if andorra don't.

-attention mr host: DON'T WEAR BLACK SHOES WITH A WHITE SUIT.

-how did that shit with the bongos get through and not israel or andorra?

-RIOTING. EXPECT EUROVISION FUELED RIOTING ON THE STREETS OF SUMMER BAY.

i guess this means i've set myself up to post about tomorrow night's final. however it will not be anywhere near as good as the spectacular coverage adam and adam performed couple of years back. this, therefore, makes me the mike d of eurovision blogging. just without the awesome fro he was rocking at good vibes.

push the button!

woundedkite.com hereby lends its support to israel's 2007 eurovision tilt.

Saturday, 12 May 2007

future soundtrack

reading dooce.com makes me pine for grown up life.

two kids, a dog, a husband with broad shoulders and striking good looks, and a big house with polished floorboards and lots of natural light.

my record store will be successful enough that i can have someone else work the afternoon shift so i can pick the kids up after school. or they can come to my store and do their homework in the back office. and i'll make them listen to all the beautiful music the world has to offer.

maybe we'll live in the inner west. or maybe somewhere in the east so the kids can grow up by the beach.

and i wouldn't mind if my mum lived with us. maybe we could have a granny flat, or she could live next door.

and i'll continue our family tradition of m names. the girlchild we'll call mykel, and the boy mathieu. with names like that they're destined to be arty. but i'd like them to play sport too.

and sometimes we'll walk to the train station or the bus stop with the dog and wait for their dad. and when the kids see him they'll run to hug him and he'll bend down to meet them at their level. he'll race mathieu home, and i'll give mykel a piggy back ride. and when they look back at their childhood, m+m will remember that it was filled with love and support and happiness. just like i do.

Tuesday, 8 May 2007

my bank are fucking insane

ohmigod.

a guy i used to work with now works for my bank. ages ago he told me to change my credit card a new one they have with lower interest and a lower annual fee.

i finally got around to doing it last week. the card came yesterday, and i just activated it a minute ago.

the limit is $20 000.

what. the. fuck?

obviously they have done it to try and get me to spend up to the limit and then forever be in debt with them. screw that. i'm going to the balance transfer from my old card. make a few purchases, then get the limit lowered right down.

you haven't won bank!

people in south australia are fucking insane

here's proof.

and here.

and here. 

Monday, 7 May 2007

Sunday night emo

How can i persuade the universe to give me what i want?

an artists rendition...

Sunday, 6 May 2007

the outer west

i had to go to penrith yesterday. penrith is the one place in sydney that i, as a past and soon to be resident of the great city of campbelltown, can turn my nose up at for being even more bogan and full of inbreds, povs and assorted criminals than c-town.

some of the things i saw included:

-a girl with no legs pushing herself through the westfield car park on a skateboard.

-a white kid in some ricemobile [which was painted weezer's blue album blue] pumping dance classic here's johnny at the lights. welcome to 1995 penriff.

-a bumper sticker on the back of a station wagon that read "a bad day at the dog show is better than a good day at work."

in conclusion, penrith was hot, freaky, and so far away from summer bay that i had to stop revive survive at the maccas on the m4 on the way back to civilisation.

Saturday, 5 May 2007

rate my teachers

http://au.ratemyteachers.com

it's amihotornot for the nerd generation.

obviously i looked up the ol alma mater. my year 8 art teacher was listed. he' scored a 5 and the comment attached was "LOL SHIRTS LOL." ten years on and he's still wearing manky shirts. good to see some things never change.

the sad thing is that more than one girl in my group had a crush on him. sad of course because he was a massive fug. and a bit of a bastard. and old. what were they thinking?

Tuesday, 1 May 2007

random things

-this is my latest favourite nerd website.

-i'm watching the mtv vma red carpet thing [WHY?] at the moment. fergie has the WORST WEAVE EVAH. hah. perez hilton just called her on it. good show perez. and memo to the veronicas: barbie called and wants her lipstick back.

-i had exactly two things on my to-do list today. neither have been done yet. 3 hours of today left to get stuck in.

-my knights had a rad victory tonight. go team!

-my favourite nada surf song at the moment is from the rooftop down. which is on the, the weight is a gift bonus disc. it's the fucking sexiest piece of work matthew caws has done. hearing him sing "you were reaching down my pants to roxanne" gives me girlwood.

-architecture in helsinki are playing at the metro on may 12. who wants to come with me?

-sloan are touring in july. motherfucking sloan.
 

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