chuck norris invented the question mark

the coolest part of my job is making promotional posters for our office. they give me artistic license to do whatever i think would speak to the kids. therefore most posters feature references to chuck norris and the seminal 1990 album please hammer don’t hurt em.

last week i made a poster to advertise management's latest kick. actually turning up to work. if we average a over a certain attendance figure for this week, we’ll get a prize.

so of course after making such a big deal about attendance, i get a cold. i think it’s the god of sickies punishing me. i vote that the gift voucher we’ll win be spent on all the butter menthols i’ll need to get me through the next few days.

on the plus side while i was at coles today buying tissues, i stumbled upon raspberry flavoured twirls. goodness, what a taste sensation.

gender roles

i was just at my local woolworths. as i walked in, there was a staff member greeting customers, and he was wearing a sash that said "information." a freakin sash.

as i strolled by him, he gave me a big friendly hello. i replied with an equally enthusiastic "hello mr information. or should that be misinformation?" cause i'm hilarious. his response was, i shit you not, "no, not miss. mister!"

and i've just realised that 95% of you won't get this. ah well, screw you guys. it's still bloody funny.

been losing weeks

because we all work a seven day roster here at the interwebs factory you often get people asking you on monday "is this your monday? or is it your friday?" those kinds of questions confuse me. i have a hard enough time knowing what day it actually is, let alone what day it would be if i worked the hours of a normal person.

so while in reality it's saturday, according to my roster it's actually monday. even more confusingly, i could've sworn last night was sunday. i was doing lots of sunday night things, like having a bath, conditioning my hair and shaving my legs. but then neighbours was on. way to freak a girl out.

and so now i'm at work. typically on a saturday it's busy as hell. i don't know whether they just don't roster enough people on, or if a lot of people call in sick. but either way we are always understaffed on saturday.

and on my two days off someone messed with my chair. but the back, back as far as it could go, moved the arm rests way down and put the height down. goddammit, whoever did that has just made my list. it's taken me hours to get everything back to exactly the right position

i found out off myspace that a girl i went to uni with is living in mexico. that's insane. i'm so jealous that i'm not living anywhere exotic. maybe i should go and teach english in estonia or something. that would be awesome. i'd love to live in tallinn, or helsinki, or montreal. and people i know will say "have you heard about miss trigger-cut, she's living in eastern europe. how glamorous she is."

the perils of being a tourist

today i was being a big ol tourist and decided to go up centrepoint tower. to get to the elevators to go up to the observation deck, you had to go through a metal detector. the woman in front of me set it off and said to the guy running the show “oh, i always set these things off the first time through.” i chimed in with “it must be the baby!” referring to her round stomach. she just glared at me.

it was then i realised that she wasn’t pregnant, she just had a big gut.

longest. elevator trip. ever.

electioneering

being one of those pain in the ass inner west types, i was all prepared to vote labor in the up coming state election. but last night i saw their advertising campaign and it has a fucking jingle. does the labor government really expect the good people of new south wales to vote for them when they have to convey their message via song?

come on new south wales, say no to bad advertising on march 24!

tha field

i've been staying at my mum's house these past few days because my hot water service is broken. well, it's been broken for a while, but i've finally become annoyed with taking cold showers. hopefully they'll fix it tomorrow.

it's been so nice being back at home. intelligent conversation and ironed clothes. and everything in tha field is slow and easy. i know exactly where every thing is. and it feels just like home. but the trip into the city for work is twice as long as from my house. and at 7:15am it drags and makes my head hurt.

tha field , located in sydney's outer south west, and its surrounds, are filled with poverty. a lot of the people and the places are desolate. wave after wave of generations don't know any better. they think life is at its best not having a job and being pregnant at seventeen.

most of the kids who i grew up with have kids themselves. they all still live in the area. they'll never leave. they fuck cause there's nothing better to do, and because it's passed down from our elders that it's the right thing to do as soon as you hit thirteen.

i remember being about nine or ten and talking to a girl who lived across the road from me. i used to go over to their house every tuesday night and eat pizza after  their mum had gone  to the rsl. i have no idea where their dad was. in jail probably. she used to tell me about how many boys she had screwed. and how all she wanted in life was to have a kid by the time she was sixteen. i used to tell her about how i wanted to be a sports journalist and give side line comments during the coverage of the football on 2ue.

the funny thing is that she reached her goal and i work in a call centre.

the first time a boy kissed me i was twelve, or maybe thirteen, and it was in one of my friend's garage. we sat there and talked and he touched my boobs. he told me he wanted to fuck me. i had no idea what to think about this. i knew all about sex, and knew enough to know that i should wait until i was old enough to drive. the next day i got a stomach virus and the boy dumped me because i wouldn't leave the house while i was throwing up so much.

gratuitous about me entry

seeing that this blog is about to go live in a couple of days, i thought i better put up an "about me" post in the remote chance that someone is reading this who doesn't already know all about me from teh real life, livejournal or my various emo-diaries.

i am:

- 20 something
- mostly a call centre monkey. part time advertising ninja
- rockin the inner west of sydney town

i like:

- trains [not in an obsessive way]
- smiggle
- apple
- taking photos
- ice cream
- the newcastle knights

i listen to:

- nada surf [duh]
- gersey
- the rentals
- the beastie boys
- m. craft
- pavement
- something for kate
- dashboard confessional
- death cab for cutie

i watch:

- the late show
- numb3rs
- er
- the chaser productions
- conan o'brien
- southpark

- ocean's 11
- fight club
- that thing you do

i read:

- eggars
- cornwell
- zurbo

my five favourite albums not by nada surf

5. the swiss army romance - dashboard confessional

4. crooked rain, crooked rain - pavement

3. silver and fire - m. craft

2. seven more minutes - the rentals

1. storms dressed as stars - gersey